4 posts tagged “suburbia”

Today the C went to his very first school-invite based birthday.

I say school-invite based birthday because his school has adopted the notion that the heretofore democratic system of invites-for-all was not quite right, and now if you have a birthday party you, as a parent, need to reach out individually (and outside of the school system) to the parents of the other snowflakes. C has had invites before (I think 2 or 3) but they either fell on inconvenient days (e.g., he was at his father's house) or they were obviously hearkening to the democratic system (e.g., one was for a child with whom he had got into repeated fistfights).

There is a delicate social balance to the birthday party invite, nuanced and not well documented.

First, the adult-esque "show up and bring a bottle of wine" is not the game here. A present is mandatory entrance into the venue. The depth of present expectation to be navigated is shallow and can involve math such as "okay, how much are these people spending on the party/how much did they spend on my kid". Gift receipts are required.

Second, the venue is almost certainly not at anyone's actual home. The parties are typically at offsite locations, where the adults have assigned helpers and usually someone else to clean up the mess. The location will quite likely have a minimum of a play gym but more likely will involve face painting, water play, mask making, and a whole bevy of other stuff to do.

Third, there is no question as to refreshments. There is food and drink and cake and then of course balloons and party favors. Your child/the children will have a massive carbohydrate overload, and probably be pre-diabetic by the time you go home.

There are occasionally parents who stay for the party and parents who view parties as free babysitting. The latter don't often get invited to the next party. For those who stay, you get to see your child with other children that he usually "works" with in school. You discover oftentimes your child is a cherub and some of those other little snowflakes should go melt. The one spitting in the wishing well. The one hitting the birthday boy with a balloon. The one who had to be put on 4 (count 'em) time outs by his father *during* the cake cutting and distribution. The one who arrived at the party 20 minutes late and announced he hated both of the celebrants and wanted his cake now so he could go.

You also discover that children's birthday parties are a progressive series of one-upsmanship and jones'-upkeeping. The first party we were invited to was at the McDonald's playspace. The second was at Skate King. This third was at the Kids Quest Museum. And I'm lying if I don't say I'm considering renting out an aquarium or something for the C's.

After all, *my* little snowflake deserves better. 

I was on a school bus the other day with about 40 six-year-olds and 4 or 5 presumable grown up mommies (and 2 teachers). As I was assigned to my own child for chaperonage for a trip to the zoo, my job was pretty cushy. At one point in the trip I was talking with the room mother, and then was diverted in attention so she started chatting up the teacher.

She was complaining that how, in the 3 years since arriving, she's not made many friends because of what locals call the "Seattle Freeze". In spite of living in a 200+ house enclave to the north of me, the only friendships they could really maintain were through their children's playdates; her husband was having little luck making friends in his workplace.

C's teacher suggested church, and thus began the discussion of *which* church was the right church. Apparently many things factor into the *right* church: conservative interpretation of the bible, none of those non-denominational bible studies, and time of mass were the top three. And not in that order.

Excuse me?

I'm not a religious person in the slightest -- I come from a family who sent me to Catholic school in Southern California on the assumption that they could cure me of religion a good deal sooner than they could cure me of a bad education -- but I've adopted a live-and-let-live approach. That said, I've understood religion is something to expect and respect, and it was all I could do not to raise an eyebrow (full hairy Italian one at that) at the requirements list. Further arching the hairs up was the explanation that they were currently attending Episcopalean church in Medina (read: ultrafancy neighborhood about 25 minutes away, where Bill Gates lives) because, ostensibly, the Sunday mass started at 10:15 rather than the local Episcopalean church which starts at 9:30 (gasp!).

Now I'm all for convenience and proper planning, and I *get* how one's Sunday mornings can be one's only time to do something for oneself. But don't try to tell me that you drive 25 minutes away to go to a church in the fanciest neighborhood in the area because it starts 45 minutes later than your local church. You're saving a whopping 20 minutes, and spending a couple of gallons in gas in the round trip difference. You're going to that church because it's in the fancy area and perhaps the friends you cannot make in the local housing area are because they don't measure up to your standard.

I then gave her the $10 for the Kindergarten Luau. She is, after all, the room mother. 

Sammamish is celebrating its 10th anniversary. I know this because when I went to download the Parks and Recreation guide, it had 10th anniversary plastered all over it.

Well, la-di-da!

I grew up when this town was unincorporated King County and if you were in dire emergency you called Dominos, not the police, because the delivery driver would reach you much faster. People had chickens and horses and roosters and goats and old chevys and outnumbered them new Microsquashians moving in.

My, how things have changed.

Now I'm in a slightly-remodeled 1970's rambler squished between McMansions and track tract* homes, one of very few single mothers (or at least it feels like it) and one of the few without an HOA. (They have one for my block, I'm not part of it, it's a LOOOOOOOOOOONG story).

Sammamish initially said it would incorporate to leverage the tax system to improve the roads. That it did, no argument there. But it also said it wouldn't bother with its own police and fire departments (2 years later, it did, which is good) and we now sport a swanky new City Hall (several story and moderny with lots of windows). We have an actual Parks and Recreation guide, a farmer's market, a city 4th of July festival, a city Haunted Celebration, a city Winterfest, and a city New Year's celebration. We sport two public high schools that play off at homecoming and the winners throw a street parade from their school to the loser's school, which ties up traffic for 2 hours during rush hour. We have two competing megamarts and gas stations, and some decent Thai food.

Yet, like a balding mid-40's CPA with a decent savings and an exceptionally nice car, we have the faint air of apology and the secret knowledge we will never be quite as sporty as Bellevue.

We do have a farmer's market... but any sammamishite will tell you it's not as big as that which you'd find in Issaquah or Redmond, and the prices are not much different. We do have a Parks & Recreation guide... 1.3mb in total, and Redmond's is 13mb plus. We do have a library... slightly smaller than my house (a new one is planned). We do not have a decent craft store.

OK, that last is my own personal bent.

I happen to like the farmer's market here, small as it is; the P&R guide is thinner but offers more than you think a fledgeling city would. My issues with Sammamish are not around if we rate as a Bellevue or Redmond or Issaquah, but that we (and I say "we" meaning "they") seem to aspire to this. We already have an alarming SUV-to-human ratio and our coffee quota has long been surpassed. We have competitive preschools and water towers with murals painted on them so they blend in with the topographically deserving trees. We have water rationing days and two weekly circular newspapers which will both earnestly tell you that Ms. Agnes P. Ditherton, on 220th street, has successfully navigated her 92nd birthday, love Paw; or that Jennifer Smitherton who graduated from Eastlake High School met and married a successful John Doe from Harvard and that she plans to puruse a career in fashion design from their new abode in Westchester.

We have long since arrived, we really need to not keep going...  

*edited later: Yes, it's "tract" homes, not "track" homes. I... sometimes suck at teh spelling.

My introduction to the concept of suburbia was in an Erma Bombek book. Until then, I didn't know what suburbia was (I was living in it already, but gimme a break, I was 8 when I read the book). She discussed the trials and tribulations of raising her kids and managing her household in 1960's suburbia, and made septic tank overflows and dog-shaving incidents sound incredibly funny. Oh, and did I mention the self-depricating quips, such as "Mommie is toasting another no-baby month!"

Yeah, I like Erma.

I live in suburbia, and always have. The houses have changed and the housemates have changed and even the state has changed at least twice, but I'm apparently drawn to houses and space but not so much space that you can't see your neighbor. (Actually, I would totally be drawn to that, but for the budget practicalities of it -- do I really want to spend 2 hours to and from work so I can live in the country?)

But I'm not so ingrained in the manicured lawns and ample parking that I don't see something to poke fun at. I am surrounded by women who have 2.3 kids and spend their time incessantly talking about them. They have no life or opinion outside of their children. Any attempt to steer the conversation clear from what little Janie or Jonny is doing results in a slight rebuke and back to The Children the conversation turns. Look, I like my kid and I know he's a precious snowflake but I like grown up conversation sometimes, too. And it is *every* conversation -- whether the children are there or not. You hear it in Target, in Safeway, and all of the one-and-two storey shopping plazas dotted with appropriate quantities of greenery and carefully selected merchant proportions.

I swear there is some rule that each shopping area, in suburbia, must have the following proportions:

• 1 Large Grocery Store
• 1-2 gas stations
• 1 Mexican Restaurant
• 1 Thai Restaruant (that took over the Chinese food restaurant)
• 1 General American Food Restaurant (bonus points if it features "grill" in the name)
• 1-2 Pizza places (usually 1 delivery, one take-and-bake)
• 1 Drycleaner
• 1 Drugstore
• 1 Realtor and/or Financial services person
• Tanning and/or Frozen Yogurt
• Movie Rental BigBox
• 2 Fast food places (McDonalds must be one)
• 3 Starbucks
• 1 other Coffee House vendor that will go out of business to the Starbucks
• Nail shop
• Great Clips/Hairmasters/This is where I take my kid to get their haricut place
• 1 pet care place (be it grooming or vet)

These are the minimum proportions, of course. A larger shopping center will have more restaurants, fast food places, and additional offerings such as Craft Stores, Paint Shops, Housewares, and/or a Big Box catch-all like Target, Fred Myer, etc.

And along the sidewalked, well-lit streets (plus bike lanes, on occasions) each house has conformed to a set of rules that, while not necessarily moulded by an HOA, are farily consistent: cut the grass. Bring in the trash cans. Not too many cars parked on the street. The paper *can* lie there for a day or two, but not if it's raining. And you don't pick up your dog poo unless someone's looking (I know this as a homeowner, having de-poo'd my front yard a few times now). 

Speed limits are often observed, or painfully, fiscally enforced -- I live on one of the busiest streets in Sammamish (yeah, that's not saying much) and the speed limit is ostensibly 25mph. When people started careening wildly up it at 35 they stationed 2 police cars on either side of the street, two houses down, and started pulling over people.

City of Sammamish has a nice shiny new City Hall, had I mentioned?

And still, with all of this pedestrian facilitation and convenience shopping to be had, it's a 1+mile trudge to the shopping, dining, etc. You can't simply walk a couple of blocks (as you can in most parts of the City) to a park or a restaurant or a market or a coffee shop. You *can* walk, but I have seen a woman get into her SUV from point A and arrive at point B, and park, further down in the same shopping mall parking lot. It wasn't for the kids, she was by herself.

We have a farmers market and a community center and even a heated storage place, and 2 of every 3 cars is a SUV. Parents judge their kids by their GPA's and how many school activities they are in. Dogs are always leashed and often impatient. And as the McMansions go up, you see deer less and less often.

I think Mommie is going to toast another no-dog-poo-in-the-front-yard month, instead...